October 30th, 2025.

The sensation is strange. One of these dull days I got to thinking, and then I understood. I can compare it to a slip. When you’re at a normal state, walking and breathing come naturally, it is autonomic. You step and step and step, one foot in front of the other, mindlessly, and all is well; then a bad step. Maybe a pebble or a mishap in your own limbs, it happens, you lose balance. Electricity. It fires so quickly that it is impossible to control or stop yourself from feeling severely threatened in a matter of seconds. This would be the flash before your eyes that some might say happens before death. Fear causes this sudden but potent panic to attack every cell and fiber of your body, your brain. 

In the beginning, yes this is relatable, however a feeling entirely different. It’s more similar to drowning. A constant struggle for air, a fight for survival. In turn you gain a type of control. Cursed unfortunately, this control allows you to slow time but distant from yourself. You are never in the front seat, only ever in the seat behind the driver reaching for the steering wheel as the car descends into the water. Life can be torturous. Slow motion descent, for me, lasted for 2 weeks. Then the other thing. 

I get a glimpse every single day. This is similar to that first feeling I mentioned. Sudden fear, a reminder at every turn that something is deeply wrong. A dose of death at any given moment, positively consistent in my new life.